Rebuilding trust after addiction takes more than sobriety—it requires patience, honesty, and consistent actions every single day
Rebuilding trust after addiction is one of the hardest parts of recovery. Getting sober is difficult enough, but earning back the trust of your family, friends, and loved ones can take months or even years.
I spent so much of my life as a teenager and young adult being somebody who couldn’t be trusted.
There were people along the way who trusted me temporarily. I had girlfriends, friends, and family members who wanted to believe in me, but as addiction took hold of my life, I became a bad kid and, eventually, a bad person. Read about my recovery journey in My Journey, My Mission.
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I always had at least some level of respect for my parents and my elders, but addiction slowly changed me. It made me selfish. It made me dishonest. It made me willing to hurt the people who loved me the most.
By the time I was sixteen, I was already in my first treatment centre.
I stole from people. I stole from stores. I got caught shoplifting. I never ended up with any serious criminal charges, but that’s only because I didn’t get caught. It certainly wasn’t for a lack of trying.
I signed cheques in my dad’s name and cashed them at the bank. My father had taken me in when I was down on my luck, and I stabbed him in the back.
My mom wasn’t spared either.
It starts small. You steal cigarettes out of your mother’s purse. Then you steal twenty dollars here and there. Then it becomes alcohol, money, and anything else you can get your hands on.
Eventually, you start stealing from strangers too.
I remember nights of getting high where someone would pass out, and I’d sneak a little bit of their drugs. Then a little bit more. Then a little bit more again until I inevitably got caught.
Because the person supplying the drugs isn’t stupid. They know exactly how much they have.
By the time I was nineteen or twenty years old, I was practically homeless and couch surfing. If somebody left drugs lying around, I was going to steal them because that’s the kind of person addiction had turned me into.
The Lies Got Bigger
As I moved into my twenties, I wasn’t stealing nearly as much anymore. I had a job. I had my own money. I was starting a family.
But the trust issues didn’t get better.
They got worse.
Instead of stealing money, I was stealing peace from the people who loved me most.
I was losing the trust of my wife, my children, and my parents.
I knew it was going to be an uphill battle to earn that trust back because I had hurt them so many times.
I can’t even count how many times I promised my wife that I was done drinking.
I’d quit for a few weeks. Maybe a month.
Then those wolves in my head would start howling again.
I’d be driving home from work and instead of turning left to go home, I’d turn right and head to the liquor store.
And in the back of my mind, I always knew what was coming.
There would be a fight for a day or two.
She’d be angry.
She’d be hurt.
Then eventually she’d get exhausted from fighting with me, and I’d go back to being a drunk.
Then six months later, we’d repeat the entire cycle all over again.
I wanted to quit. I really did.
But I couldn’t stop listening to those wolves.
Rock Bottom in Fort Mac
One of the clearest examples of how badly addiction had destroyed my character happened during the Fort McMurray wildfire evacuation in 2016.
We were stranded in the city and ended up staying with friends of an old roommate because we had nowhere else to go.
By that point I was already half in the bag because, when I packed our things, I made sure I grabbed every beer in the house.
Like a real degenerate.
Eventually, I worked up the courage to ask the guy whose house we were staying in if he had anything to drink.
He took me downstairs.
The man had an entire wall of alcohol.
At that moment, I had never seen anything so beautiful in my life.
That’s addiction.
One drink was never enough.
Before long, I was sneaking downstairs and stealing mouthfuls of vodka, rum, and gin from a man I barely even knew.
Later that night, we were finally allowed to leave the city.
My wife was worried about whether our home would still be standing.
My kids were scared and confused.
We didn’t know what the future looked like.
And there I was, completely drunk.
The husband.
The father.
The person who was supposed to lead his family.
Completely plastered.
We stopped for pizza on the way to Edmonton, and there happened to be a liquor store right beside it.
I wouldn’t stop.
I wanted another bottle.
My wife was furious. My kids were upset. We were arguing while trying to escape one of the worst disasters our country has ever seen.
And I still bought the bottle.
Thankfully, the friends we were staying with took it away from me.
I wasn’t grateful.
I was angry.
I spent the rest of the night acting like a complete jerk and embarrassing myself and my family in front of people who had shown us kindness.
That was addiction.
Some Trust Never Comes Back
I later apologised to that old roommate.
I made my amends.
She accepted my apology.
But to this day, she still has me blocked on Facebook.
And that’s one of the hardest lessons you learn in recovery.
You are not going to regain the trust of everyone you hurt.
It’s impossible.
You can make your amends.
You can take responsibility.
You can become a better person.
But you cannot control how other people feel about you.
You cannot force forgiveness.
And you cannot demand trust.
Rebuilding Trust After Addiction Takes Time
Rebuilding trust after addiction doesn’t happen overnight. The beautiful thing about sobriety is that trust can come back.
But it doesn’t happen overnight.
There was never a moment where somebody snapped their fingers and suddenly everything was okay again.
It happened slowly.
People saw that I was trying.
They saw that I was working hard.
They saw that I wasn’t thinking the same way anymore.
I wasn’t beating myself up all the time.
I wasn’t being a perfectionist.
I wasn’t constantly making excuses.
The changes became obvious.
And little by little, trust started returning.
Not because I demanded it.
Not because I deserved it.
But because I lived differently.
That’s how trust is rebuilt.
You become somebody worth trusting.
The People Who Matter Most
For most of us, the people we’ve hurt the most are our spouses, our children, and our parents.
These are the people who need to see the changes.
They need to see consistency.
They need to see honesty.
They need to see you live by example.
You have to communicate with them.
You have to make your amends.
You have to accept responsibility.
And then you have to be patient.
Because trust isn’t rebuilt with words.
It’s rebuilt with actions.
One day at a time.
One promise kept at a time.
One honest conversation at a time.
I can never erase the things I did.
I can never undo the pain I caused.
But I can continue showing the people I love that I am not the man I used to be.
And after nearly ten years of sobriety, I’ve learned something important:
Rebuilding trust after addiction is a lifelong commitment built through honesty, patience, and consistency.
All you can do is become somebody worth trusting.
The hardest part is accepting that you don’t get to decide when someone trusts you again. All you can do is show up every day and give them a reason to.
Need Help Rebuilding Your Life?
If you’re struggling with addiction or trying to rebuild relationships after getting sober, remember that you don’t have to do it alone. Professional treatment, peer support, and recovery programs can make a tremendous difference.
To find evidence-based recovery meetings near you, visit SMART Recovery.
